Str8 Acting Douche

str8 acting grindr douche

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54 thoughts on “Str8 Acting Douche”

  1. Well if the other guy acts “like a straight guy”, he’s going to get much tail, since straight guys act straight by, you know, sleeping with women.

  2. Yeah this is a Melbourne guy I’ve seen him out before. I don’t know what it’s like in the rest of the world but in Melbourne there’s an epidemic of self-hating douchebags like this guy obsessed with straight acting and “masc”. Can’t accept themselves for who they are. It’s so sad

  3. Sweet fancy Moses, the commenters on this site are ruthless! I’m not a fan of the masc-only/straight-acting crowd, but the viciousness on this site sure does help their case.

  4. I think it’s amazing how many douchebags try to defend people like this! He’s a self hating homophobe pure and simple. Anyone who tries to defend that needs to get an education and some self respect rather than attacking this site for shaming these arsehole, who do nothing but perpetuate the myth that straight is better than gay!!!

  5. How is he a “self hating homophobe”? Everyone has their preferences. I personally go for masculine guys and am not attracted to feminine guys. Does that make me “self hating” as well? He wasn’t being a douche at all.

  6. Tim, the fact u can’t understand how offensive the term straight acting is shows how mentally retarded you are. You really need to get some education around how minorities perpetuate their own oppression through use of self denigrating terms. It’s like a black guy who thinks all black people are intellectually Meroe because whites have spread that sort of lie for centuries. Wake up!!!’

  7. I know this guy. The jersey shore comment is right on the money. He’s dumb as dog shit from the suburbs in Melbourne and he would never understand any of the reasons why straight acting offends people. One level up from cave man (just)

  8. What’s more, some people who think they are masculine come off as fem to thOse around them

    I want my sex partners to act queer, whether that means fem or masculine, is up to them

  9. BJC, so saying “straight acting” makes you a douche, but calling someone mentally retarded doesn’t? You probably get mad when people say “That’s gay”, yet think its perfectly ok to say something/someone is retarded. Gotta love hypocrisy lol.

  10. You’re right. I do get mad when people say “that’s gay”. If you had any pride in being a gay male and if you had the intellectually capacity to understand what it is to be gay in our society, you would get mad too. However as we can all see plain as day, you don’t.

  11. Lol people on here can be pretty harsh. I guess i can see how the term str8 acting or str8 seeming can be a offensive or degrading to being gay but thats never been my intention. To me it looks really ofensive when people say what they dont want. no fems, no fatties, no asians are just a few of the terms i commonly see used. im just trying to say what I’m sexually attracted to, do not mean to offend anyone but seeing how the term str8 acting or str8 seeming bothers or offends alot of people il stop using it.

  12. well some of you dickheads, that is my best mate and he aint no douchebag!!! maybe some of you fags are just to queeny to be able to pick him up and are jealous!!! get a life losers. at least he has morals and a life unlike people who have nothing better to do than put shit on this site!! get a life

  13. Dear Damo, congratulations on exposing yourself as a homophobic douche. It’s not surprising you are this guy’s best mate! Us “fags” and “queens” are better off without him, and without you. It’s time that people using these offensive terms are outed for their internalised homophobia, because they are making it harder to be gay than the straights do. I’ve tried many times to talk politely and rationally to people on grinder about why these terms are offensive, but only get attitude. So I applaud this website. It may be a crude way of getting the message across, but since intelligent and rational discussion gets nowhere with people like yourself, I guess crude is the only way to go. VIVA LA DOUCHEBAGS OF GRINDR!!!

  14. LOLZ at Damo. Here we have another Australian showing his true colours when challenged about unacceptable language and concepts.

    In defence all we hear are the same tired arguments: “it’s just a preference”, and “freedom of speech”.

    Down Under theres a real fantasy that we are all great friendly people. But under the surface (actually just below the surface) you will find racism, homophobia, and outdated ignorant ideas at every turn.

    When these ideas are challenged in an intellectual way, the true colours come bursting out as Damo, with his “faggot” and “queen” statement above, has jus proven.

    I love this site. If Grindr will do nothing to censor hate speech, then Douchebags of Grindr can do it for them!!!!!

  15. I’m proud to say I hate gay and femine guys. I love str8 acting masculine dudes who act like normal human beings. Gays are the most judgmental, inconsiderate people I have ever come across who could not give a shit about anyone else but themselves!! No one will tell me what sort of guy I have to be into, I have a preference just like all u queers on here. This is the exact sort of site stupid poofs without a life would set up to make themselves feel better in their own depressed life as a queen. Love this shit…..

  16. I have to question what the real issues are here, is it also the fact that I have stated that I am sexually attracted to a particular type of guy with a certain persona and traits or is just the fact I used the term ‘str8 acting’. If the word masculine was just used would this still offend and give guys the right to be angry?

    The term str8 acting as I see it is a form of lingo I found commonly used with in the gay community and I’ve used the term to easily give an idea of myself and the type of guys Im attracted to. I think people look at the term differently and It seems people take the words a bit more literally then others do.

    When it comes to sexual attraction and people giving their preferences I don’t think it’s necessarily saying something is better or worse. Therefore does the term str8 acting have to suggest strait is better then gay like people are saying on here?

    Im going to stop using the term after considering peoples point of view but I do think people are going a bit overboard with the issue and are being overly judgmental and harsh towards people that use the term.

  17. Deat Craig. You can’t even spell FEMININE. also u are a hypocrite. And finally you hate yourself. I’m embarrassed for you. You are a disgraceful thing (note I didn’t use the term “human being” to describe you, because the term simply does not apply). FAIL

  18. Brad, just let’s keep it simple. You used the term Straight Acting. Its a term that reflects an internalised homophobia. It’s offensive because it implies that to “act straight” is somehow hot, and therefore somehow better than gay. By using that term, you are a douchebag and have therefore ended up on this site. It’s great you say you are not going to use the terms anymore, fantastic. It’s 2011. You might be living in the backwaters of Australia, but you and every other gay man needs to grow a pair and start realising that it is simply unacceptable to continue using oppressive and offensive terms . It’s time for gay men everywhere to start stepping into their own power.

  19. To Ladida, I don’t think you have much merit for your chosen reasoning for the term being offensive.We are talking about sexual attraction and a person has the right to be sexually atracted to and have the preferences they have with out feeling guilty or judged for it. If I was I going to be honest I personly find a much larger portion of straight men desirable (hotter) then I do gay men and to be more honest I find myself mostly atracted to gay guys that are more masculine or that I can’t tell or guess are gay. I accept there are ways to word things but you can’t blame someone for what they are atracted to when it comes to sex.

    Iv tried to have constructive conversation and you go out and start insulting me. Shows what a reasonable, mature and decent person you are yourself.

  20. Dear Brad, the term is homophobic and offensive. Its really that simple. Maybe you should go a read some books on queer theory and politics?

    What you have shown here is that you are at least willing to listen to people’s ideas, which is definitely a positive.

    I still think you’re a total DoucheBag for writing straight acting on your profile, and I think you still don’t really understand why the term is offensive. But I do think there’s hope for you.

    So like I said, go read up, and then we won’t have anything to argue about at all.

  21. @Brad – if you wanted to change your mind because you wanted to be more considerate then do it – don’t let a minor argument you had online change your good intentions.

    Accept that for some people, the term “straight acting” is offensive and hurtful to them – and they may have valid personal reasons (apart from the general reason) for reacting that way. If you see yourself as the more reasonable and mature person, then act like it.

    And to the other guys – if you see someone trying to understand your viewpoint – be patient and understanding – you’re not helping your cause by being emotional and lashing out disproportionately.

    (Unless, the guys you engaged are complete assholes – then feel free to say whatever you are…)

    Some people are unfortunately ignorant and misguided but be kind and be patient – educate them

  22. @ Ladildo and BLT. Funny how you two are the only sad queens on here that are so upset. Would hate to know wat the two of u look like. Shit ur right i cant spell just like urself trying to spell dear BLT!! Everyone in Australia uses the term Str8 acting so make sure u don’t ever visit our shores. Go str8 acting gays, you are the only type of gay people who will get the rest of the world to accept our sexuality and help educate people that not all of us are gay screaming queens who are judgmental inconsiderate pricks who couldn’t give a shit about anything else their world other than their wardrobe lol

  23. Disgusting craig disgusting. Clearly you dOnt have any education on why straight acting is such a bad term. And far from making it a better world for gays, the straight acting gays as u call them only reinforce the lie that we have to blend in with the straights to be accepted. You are a fool but keep bleeting on like a sheep. And as far as “what I look like” let’s just say I’m hot enough to have the guy in question chasing me lol. I’m an Australian and I’m proud. But you are a disgrace and don’t deserve to live here!

  24. From fab Magazine:

    Alex Rowlson goes head-to-head with the troubling terminology of our desires

    We’ve all been there.

    You visit a hookup or dating website, cruise somebody’s profile and are confronted with the list: no fats; no femmes; no Asians; no blacks; masc only; my age or younger; str8-acting, you be too; non-scene; and on and on. What we find is a lot of hate when all we want is head.

    “Gay men have forgotten how to have sex,” says Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore, editor of the forthcoming anthology Why Are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots? “For so long that was supposed to be something gay men were good at, but I’m not so sure anymore. They might be good at the technique but not the openness. Sex should be about opening possibilities, not closing them off.”

    The negative language so prevalent on Craigslist and Grindr seems to signal that the culture of sexual liberation has been replaced by sexual segregation.

    Gay sexual oppression is catalogued painfully on the Douchebags of Grindr blog, which sorts prejudiced profiles based on everything from racism and sexism to self-hating homophobia. But even though we see it everywhere, most people are as willing to admit to the exclusionary aspects of their desires as Lindsay Lohan is to submit to drug testing — statements are qualified by “Sorry, that’s just what I’m into” or “No hard feelings, it’s just my preference.”

    Sycamore says that while people have the right to say what they’re attracted to, they have a responsibility to watch how they say it. “On the one hand, people are stating their preference, but on the other, these are not neutral terms. If we were living in a culture where everything was the same, it wouldn’t be a problem. But when sexual preference reinforces dominant systems of power in an unquestioning way, that’s when it becomes problematic.”

    Michael J Faris, co-author of the essay “Fucking with Fucking Online: Advocating for Indiscriminate Promiscuity,” believes that sexual oppression too often is unexamined. “Desiring one thing more than another I don’t see as a bad thing,” he says. “When you say, ‘I won’t date a black person or won’t sleep with a black person,’ that’s what I see as being racist. If you can’t interrogate your desire, that’s a problem.”

    Sociologist Adam Isaiah Green, a faculty member at the Bonham Centre for Sexual Diversity Studies at the University of Toronto, believes “the concept of sexual racism is too strong and too intentional. Our liberation movement worked to remove shame from sexual desire, and I think we should take a lesson from it in terms of how we deal with the topic of racialized desires. Sensitizing ourselves to the connections between our most inner sexual desires and the sociopolitical landscape we are immersed in also seems like a good way to go.”

    Self-described “Queer brown drag queen faggot” ML Sugie, who co-authored the essay with Faris, questions whether strict qualifiers should play any role in desire at all: “I can’t make the case that race, ethnicity, body type, ability — any of it — has any business being involved in hooking up, beyond what people have told me are for aesthetic reasons, which I take to be code for ‘unjustifiable hierarchies that I don’t want to explain.’ It just isn’t intelligible to look at someone and say, ‘I want to reach orgasm y being fucked, but only fucked by a person of this ethnicity or race.’ The connection just doesn’t make sense. What is it about certain ethnicities or races that make it so you just can’t get off or find them sexually attractive? And how fucked up is that?”

    As Faris notes, “If attraction didn’t change, you would never see two 80-year-old people together. More than likely, when they were 18 they didn’t find an 80-year-old attractive.” Unless one of them was named Harold and the other was named Maude.

    Ali Abbas, author of the essay “Death by Masculinity,” notes, “Sexual desire will not, like many other things, come naturally. Desire is universal, but how we shape that desire is based on our willingness to pursue it. Who is to say that desire just naturally happens? Why can’t desire be a mode of living that requires contemplation, action and self-reflection rather than strict requirements?”

    It seems the terms we use to describe desires are as fluid and hard to define as the desires themselves. Faris doesn’t think universal definitions for terms like “straight-acting” or “masculine” are possible. “When I’m online and someone says, ‘Are you masc?’ my usual response is, ‘What do you mean by that?’ Those things are all culturally relative. I grew up on a farm, and you have these big women who are doing farm work, which is very masculine, but it’s not viewed as being masculine; she’s just being a wife. By femme, what do you mean? Do I gesticulate a lot? Yes. Do I do drag? Yes. Straight acting is the most hilarious term. To be straight is to be attracted to or have sex with women.”

    Faris suggests that, instead of using negative terminology that describes what they don’t want, people should explain what they do want and deal with others as individuals. If you aren’t attracted to Asian men because stereotypes suggest they are smooth and you prefer hairy men, you could write, “I like hairy men” on your profile, not “no Asians.” “I think being explicit with what you’re into is more inclusive. It might mask things and make them invisible and harder to discuss. But it still makes things more inclusive,” says Faris. “If someone is eading through a bunch of profiles, at least they don’t feel rejected by 40 profiles that say, ‘no Asian dudes.’”

    “Changing negative descriptions into positive descriptions doesn’t change the fact that they are still requirements based on things like race, looks or gender expression,” counters Sugie. “It merely flips the statement from ‘What I don’t want’ to ‘What I require.’ It doesn’t change the content of the message, only the wording. Why is it so important that someone find a slim, masculine, hairy, buff man? Do you have some sort of vintage sling with a really low weight limit? A grand piano you’d like him to help you move after you fuck? What exactly are you going to do that requires such a specific, acrobatic person — and can I watch?”

    What else can be done to change our bad behaviours? Sycamore believes that confronting others’ desires as well as one’s own is effective. He recalls challenging someone for having ‘no Asians’ written in his profile: “He said my distaste was ‘just because you’re Asian.’ It’s fascinating that people think the only ones who could be offended by this racist thing is someone who’s Asian.”

    Raymond Miller, author of Little Kiwi’s Word Museum of Wonder and Terror blog, revels in challenging people and frequently shares his Grindr exchanges. “I’ve received so much mail in support of it. There’s the occasional letter that says, ‘Who the fuck do you think you are.’ The irony is that they say, ‘How dare you judge me’ when they’re judging everyone else. And it’s always white boys that can’t believe someone doesn’t want them because they’re supposedly the gold standard.”

    Miller has an interesting proposal for driving home the point that putdowns in the form of come-ons are not welcome in our culture. “I want to organize a sexual boycott. Maybe if people stop getting laid they’ll realize what they’re doing is prejudiced. I don’t know why some guys only want to fuck Hitler’s Youth. I think it’s ugly, and I don’t want to reward that. Tell them that because of what they say, they’re not getting laid tonight.”

    Sugie suggests a different strategy: “If you’re just trying to hook up, don’t be so picky about it. Indiscriminate promiscuity is about letting go of our notions that we should measure someone’s sexual worth based on scripted notions of race, class, gender expression, body and ability, and instead focus on creative sexual acts.”

    Green goes further: “Foucault once proposed that we craft a sexuality not on desire, but pleasure. Desire is heavily psychoanalyzed, but bodily pleasure much less so. He believed that one starting point for a less socially disciplined sexuality was to focus on the pleasures of bodies — the pleasures our own bodies receive in sexual play and the pleasures we feel when giving sex.”

    Words can beat people down, but it’s within our power to change how we frame our desires, and even to change our desires to create more inclusive screwing. By challenging ourselves and others we can expand our desires. So go out there and be indiscriminately promiscuous. Or deny that bigoted beefcake a hookup because of his prejudiced profile.

    Just make sure you tell him there are no hard feelings — it’s just a preference.

    >>Alex Rowlson is a freelance writer who is working on his PhD in history at the University of Toronto.<<

  25. I think it’s hilarious that these self hating homophobic and often racist white men think that any comment challenging them is coming from some “bitter queen” who can’t get laid. Funny thing is earlier today I was thinking “God I need to turn of Grindr because I’m having WAY to much sex” LOL.

  26. I think he’s kinda hot. Mind you straight acting almost always means big ol bottom who liked to get poked, which us fine by me

  27. LaDiDa, it’s so nice you can offer your condesending advice to all us foolish simpletons down here in Australia. What ever would we do without the guidance from the much smarterer peoples from where ever the hell you’re from!

  28. “Accept that for some people, the term “straight acting” is offensive and hurtful to them – and they may have valid personal reasons”

    In a few years, some whiny gay guy could just as easily throw a hissy fit over the words ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’. If someone stupid wants to take offense at something innocent that wasn’t even remotely offensive to a rational person, it isn’t society’s job to cater to them.

    Everyone knows what’s meant by ‘straight-acting’ (I mean fuck, gay slang changes constantly), he didn’t state his preference in a rude way, and a ton of losers jump over him for it when you have plenty more actually douchebaggy fodder.

    Man you guys are hilarious when you can’t get a hookup on Grindr. Getting your kicks by acting like an angry mob that injures even innocent bystanders – how classy!

  29. To the last two comments I’d like to point out firstly that I am an Australian. I come from a working class, white Aussie background of a least 5 generations. I have been fortunate enough to study queer theory, politics and law. You claim you have rational minds, but I know from your statements on here that you have never read anything about queer theories, sexism or racism. This is a real problem in Australia because, whilst a lot of you are genuinely decent people, you have been conditioned with a lot of built in racism and homophobia. The problem with this is your language has become a language of discrimination. The other problem with this is that you appear to stubbornly refuse an challenge to this. Instead of reading a few articles and perhaps making a positive change to the wa you perceive yourselves and other gay men, you aggressively argue your points, clammy some sort of “freedom of choice” when it comes to the way you speak. YOU ARE ALL BETTER THAN THIS.

    So I am proposing that we change the language of this thread from one of anger (of which I have also been guilty) to one of discussion where you go and do some personal research on why language such as “straight acting”, and even language such as “masculine” and “femme” can be so destructive to other members of YOUR COMMUNITY.

    I don’t believe any of your are “more stupid” than any one else, but at the very least try to imagine what it’s like for other people on here who actually have researched these topics to deal with other people who refuse to even contemplate that there may be a better way.

    This “straight acting, blokey” language is filled with connotations that are extremely damaging to the gay community as a whole, both consciously and unconsciously, and I would hope that instead of screaming that you have a right to use this language, you could at least accept the possibility that maybe myself and other people on here have a point.

  30. @LaDiDa – good onya for clarifying certain things about yourself and wanting to change the language of this thread – because nothing can be resolved through anger (unless the person is truly trolling – then give him/them one hell of a smackdown and then subsequently ignore him/them).

    I just hope that you don’t have any expectations that even though you have made a good and positive suggestion – people will respond in kind.

    If they do, good but it is likely they won’t (some might but the rest wont) because like you said these people have been socially conditioned to think that way and if they don’t think what they are doing is wrong then it is unlikely they will change.

    So, you should find more info to deal with racists and race-based discrimination.

    One good source is VicHealth – they actually have an anti-discrimination unit because they believe that racism and discrimination have affect people’s health and as a health promotion foundation, they take this matter seriously and they are making initiatives to counter it.

    Get your info about what they are doing here:

    And read their framework to reducing race-based discrimination and promoting diversity

    I can give some info now taken from their framework:

    In the framework, they have listed out the “Key factors contributing to race-based discrimination”and they are divided up to individual, organisational, community and societal levels.

    I will cut and paste the individual level because you need to know what you are up against:


    • Belief in racial hierarchy and racial separatism

    • Belief that some groups do not fit into Australian society

    • Fear, anxiety, discomfort, avoidance or intolerance of diversity

    • Denial that discrimination occurs and/or that it is serious

    • Negative stereotypes and prejudices

    • Failure to recognise own negative attitudes/behaviours and/or a belief that they are ‘normal’

    • Poor conflict resolution skills

    • Limited positive inter-group relationships and interaction

    So now you know that with some people – there’s no point in engaging with them – or if you choose to do so, have very low expectations.

    Go to VicHealth and read more about it. And I should suggest that you give them a call as well because I know for a fact they are coming up with stuff to deal with these issues – so perhaps you could volunteer with them or get involved in their projects/programs.

    @BJC – this info also for you. And if you wanna meet up…you have to suggest something because I’m not gonna post my contact details here unless I want to be bombarded by hate mails and death threats by Nazi wannabes or future Aussie versions of Anders Behring Breivik.

  31. @Azul: Trolls WANT you to “give them a smackdown.” That way, they know they’ve succeeded in getting your goat. All they want is a reaction. So the best way to deal with trolls (other than banning them) is to just ignore them.

  32. Brad, you’re hot and if you have the mind, decency & compassion to change for the better then that makes you HOTTER! Thanks!

  33. LaDiDa, you do realise what a elitist pratt you come across as?

    I was objecting to how patronising your tone is, and you respond like the pretensions ass you clearly are. First of all, please don’t put words in my mouth. My comment was made in response to the fact that everyone here seems to be piling on and bashing a guy whose only crime seems to be linguistic clumsiness. And all of a sudden he and I are both racist and sexist! Okay, how did you make that leap?

    I think everyone needs to chill the F out here, I agree that there is a really ugly undercurrent of racism and misogyny in the queer community (See I did cultural studies as well). But bleeting and viciously attacking people who are simply being a bit foolish is not the way to change these mindsets. I for one, found you attitude far more infuriating than what Brad said, maybe should should consider that next time before you start throwing stones.

  34. Josh I like what ladida wrote. He was clearly trying to diffuse the debate and turn it positive. Hy do you have a problem with that?

  35. Really guys? We’re gonna act like this? When “straight and “straight acting” people are fighting day and night to ensure we’re not considered equal?

    Let’s look at who we’re trying to be as people rather than point out other peoples flaws.

  36. The term ‘str8 acting’ is considered by many to be politically incorrect and homophobic, but not everyone sees it that way. For the majority who use the term or think it is acceptable they have probably thought very little about the implications of the term while others may be well knowledgeable over the reasons people have but still defend it. There’s no doubt that people get very emotional and passionate about opposing its use and that people do find its use hurtful but I still personally think it is quite a complex issue.

    There seems to be a few main issues against the term, one being that it is degrading to being gay because it is suggesting straight is better, more attractive or more acceptable then being gay. There’s also the consideration the acting part of the term is suggesting one to being different to who they really are and not accepting of ones self. The opposing view here is that the actual meaning of the term and how it is used in context is all that is important and that it does not imply any of these things but simply refers to having a lack of stereo typical or generalized feminine mannerisms. I understand that people are still going to have a problem with this part but this really is a separate issue.

    In the case of the term str8 acting being used, someone who feels they don’t live up to the traits associated and having characteristics that don’t match could feel ashamed or degraded for who they are. This could contribute to low self esteem and possible depression in a gay person. The question here is where do we draw the line between being able to express what we are looking for sexually while trying not to upset anyone. I agree that people should try to avoid disrespecting, offending or hurting others, the problem here is in the world of internet dating/sex this this isn’t easy.

    Even if people stop using the term ‘Str8 acting’ will people not replace it with the term masculine or something else allowing people to still feel upset or offended. My intention here isn’t to defend the use of the term but to simply show it maybe isn’t as simple an issue as what it seems. If you see the term as ofensive or damaging in some way then you more then have the right to feel what you feel. My advice is try and understand why some people don’t see it the same way and try to clearly explain and debate with them why you believe they should not to use the term. In the end though we all see things differently.

  37. This is kinda off the topic but I’ve been reading these comments and I’m curious, if a gay man chooses for example to call other gay men ‘gerl’ or ‘gurl’, (which I hear quite often used) and the person being called it is not comfortable with it, does that make them homophobic? Where does the line get drawn for what words are ok to say and what words arent? Seems that it’s ok for some terms to be used and others not to be, but different people take offence to different words…what are peoples thoughts?

  38. Wow. I’ve been hearing about Grindr from friends and googled it. As a gay man I was very interested in this App and was considering using it. I stumbled upon douchebagsofgrindr and have spent the last 30 minutes reading the horrible comments on this site. I do not think I will be taking part in this new wave of hookup sites. Not with all the hate being spewed by the people who use this site. I’ll stick to the old fashioned way of meeting people: conversation with interesting people I interact with face to face out in public. I know it’s a difficult concept. But I’m willing to keep it up. I’ve had great results so far. I hear the term “troll” being thrown quite loosely. In my humble opinion, anyone who feels the need to attack others so viciously online is in fact, a troll themselves.


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